Sep 22, 2010
If you ever find yourself in a rocket ship, blasting through tunnels in some strange space dimension, youâ€™ll have wished you played Speed X 3D on your long bus commutes.
Speed X 3D is a game that rockets you down a tunnel at 1000mph as colored blocks shoot toward you. By tilting your phone left or right, you control your rocket/motorcycle/jetpack to avoid the obstacles. By running over certain blocks, you can gain extra lives, and more.
The graphics of this game were pretty impressive. The tunnel that you are riding in at times will suddenly open up and become a flat plain and then later curve into a ball. Colored cubes rocket toward you, plasma balls blast around you, and more eye candy will entertain you – as you drip sweat off your nose. Youâ€™ll be sweating, because this game is hard. Impossibly hard. Have you ever been to a mall, and seen a kid with way too much time on his hands, playing â€œdance dance revolution?â€ This game reminded me of that, on the expert level. Itâ€™s so fast paced, that the â€œonline leader boardâ€ wonâ€™t mean anything to you, because the scores you get will be so laughably minuscule, they wonâ€™t even post. Hindering your high scores are the occasion warnings like â€œblackout mode in 2 seconds!â€ that completely blacks the colors out, so you canâ€™t see them coming. Good luck surviving that one.
Comedian Mitch Headberg once said, â€œAs a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can’t be like pancakes. You’re all happy at first, but then by the end, you’re sick of ’em.â€
This game is a stack of pancakes. The graphics will wow you to begin with, but after a few minutes youâ€™ll be frustrated, and have a headache. Plus, the music is so hideously annoying, youâ€™ll shut that off by the end of the first round.
Speed X 3D is a great proof-of-concept, and the graphics are impressive, but the fun of it is short lived.