Zombie Golf Riot Review

Zombie Golf Riot Review

Oct 26, 2011

Every year around this time hundreds of frightening apps flood the marketplace hoping to cash in on the Halloween hype. Among the horde this year is a game called Zombie Golf Riot. Despite its name, this game has nothing to do with golf or zombie defense. Instead it’s a crude zombie-themed version of the incredibly popular game Kitten Cannon. This game substitutes that adorable, tormented kitten with a severed zombie head propelled, not by a cannon, but a swing of your mighty chainsaw. Questionable logic aside, this game brings none of the addictive fun of its online counterpart.

If you’re not familiar with Kitten Cannon, it started as a flash game that allows you to shoot a small kitten out of a cannon toward an endless field of various objects; some launch you further and some will stop you in your tracks immediately, usually in a gruesome manner. It’s addictive fun that distracted me from more then one engineering lecture in high school.

Starting the list of major flaws is the awful physics system. Instead of adhering to the laws of the universe, the severed zombie head seems to accelerate away from you, slowly floating off your chainsaw, removing any feeling of power. In the same vein, the sense of speed in this game is off. One of the big thrills of Kitten Cannon is seeing hundreds of objects fly by after hitting a big target, but here the sense of insane speed is never conveyed enough to get you excited. Also, the items to boost you are spread very thin along your path. A huge majority of your tries ends up in two bounces and a roll, which is very unsatisfying.

I think my Game Boy Color had better graphics.

To boot, the whole game is accompanied by the constant moan of some unseen mass of zombies as well as the grind of your chainsaw. The zombies never change pitch and the sound bring up nothing but frustration and annoyance instead of fear and dread.

I would suggest anyone to steer clear of this app, even zombie fanatics. There just isn’t anything to make this app recommendable for download except that it’s free.