Aug 26, 2011
You might think that Freaky Friday is a cynical column. One that goes out of its way to find the very worst things in the Android Market, just so it can pour scorn on them from a very great height, laughing at their ineptitudes and rubbing their faces into the mucky sputum of their ambition. You’d be right as well.
This week’s app proves that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, some people should not be allowed to be left to their own devices. It’s a recipe for trouble, and that trouble, in this case, has manifested itself as poetry. Poetry for Stephanie.
By the looks of things, some poor soul has decided to express their love for Stephanie via the medium of a publicly accessible marketplace. That same poor soul also decided that the best way to express that love, is an acrostic. There are no words that can describe how bizarre this app is.
You’re treated to a sickly sweet picture of hearts and love and other nonsense, along the top of which, emblazoned in glittery pink letters, is the name Stephanie. Click on each individual letter and you’ll be treated to an amazing poem about how Stephanie is great and moves planets with her loveliness.
After the poem has been fully displayed, and you’ve let its imagery of dancing moons and stars and other crap wash over you, you tap again, and get a picture of a rose. Awwww. Hearts melt, true love exists, vomit, vomit, vomit.
Part of me thinks that as I type this, For You is installing malware onto my phone, which is one of the reasons I’ve not linked to it below. The rest of me hopes with all of my heart that this is real, that someone thought the best way to make Stephanie fall in love with him was to make her an app.
If you’re Stephanie, and you’re reading this, please, get in touch. I have to know if this worked.
UPDATE: Before I got a chance to get screenshots to For You, it was taken off the Market. This makes me think it was real. O. M. G.