Jul 1, 2011
Oh, calculations; where would we be without them? No doubt we would be spinning helplessly into the endless abyss of not really understanding things. That said, there are some things that not only don’t require calculation, but that, by their very nature, are incalculable. I’m talking, of course, about love.
Unfortunately, this week’s Freaky Friday app disagrees with me. It thinks that with the application of rigorous numerical tests, love can easily be worked out. All you need are a few statistics referring to your intended and a few statistics referring to your self and hey presto, Bob’s your uncle, love will happen. What a spectacular load of old nonsense.
When you add to that bucket of ridiculousness that fact that Dreamboy Calculator is obviously a straight, lazy port of an iPhone app, and you can see why it’s made it onto our whirlwind of the wrong.
The app allows you to keep track of your dreamboy matches, add them from your contacts and compare them against your own preferences. Say you want a rich boy with no sense of humour, then you rate your dream boys with sliding scales and see which of them is the richest and most boring. Yay, instant matches!
Of course, if they’re in your contact book, you could just text them and ask if they want to go and get a drink. That way, you can find out for yourself, sans calculations, whether or not they’re your dream boy. I mean, they’re probably not, but it’s worth a shot, right?
Dreamboy Calculator is stupid, vacuous and shallow and a fine example of everything that’s wrong with the world. All right, maybe not everything, but definitely the bits that involve love and relationships and common decency.
Or maybe I’m just upset because it said my dream boy match was only 19%. Dammit, I thought me and hypothetical Jonny were going to be together forever.